my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
