What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
