last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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