I'm lost and stupid without you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
