btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
