I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
