I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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