just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
