I hate all girls vehemently.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
