What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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