You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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