bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
