Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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