are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
