Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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