i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
