Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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