so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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