My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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