well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
