we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
