she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
