im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
