Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
