from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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