Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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