He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
