In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
