Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
