He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
