Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize