Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i came on her dog
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need to align my fucking chakras
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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