ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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