4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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