Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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