I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize