oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize