I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
