Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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