Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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