Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
