it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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