There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
