Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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