you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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