You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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