she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
