Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
