wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
