I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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