the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
