we have officially lost it.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
