You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
