I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize