yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
