you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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