Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
