I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
