You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
