It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
