Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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