end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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