He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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