what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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