I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize