Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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