physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
