I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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