For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
