So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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