Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
