I wish my penis had an off switch
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
