I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
