So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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