anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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