oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
