We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
