She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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